A look behind my eyes

I choose the internet for my news because I can pick and choose what I want to read about. I hate sitting through an hour long newcast on tv, listening to all the awful things happening in the world and the fifteen commercial breaks in between.

I don't usually read the news unless I can find something that looks somewhat happy to read about. All anyone reports on nowadays is the downfall of the economy and our impending doom as a country and a planet.

I do think knowing what's going on in the world is important and everyone should be aware socially and politically in some way, but I just do not want to hear all the awful things on the news every day.

We need a new news channel. One that will devote at least a quarter of their newscast to informing viewers of what good things are happening in the world. Wouldn't that be a refreshing change of pace.

Well, today was interesting at work to say the least. I’m working in the office alone for the entire week and today I started hearing noises. They were not the imaginary kind that you get when you’re a kid alone in your house for the first time at night. These were real, slightly terrifying and incredibly odd noises.

There I was, working away, trying to forget that I do not need a cigarette today and that my body is not suffering from withdrawals. Then I heard it. At first I thought it was coming from the inside. Oh my god, is there a bird in the office?! No, good… oh shit, not one inside, just one trying desperately to get in!

I watched this bird pound its head relentlessly into the glass in an attempt to make it inside the office. When that didn’t work, it tried pounding with its feet. At first I watched it for a while, then I started to take some pictures so someone would believe me if I told the story. I had originally thought that maybe this bird was mentally challenged, but it did not give up its pursuit to come inside.

This bird was desperate and it scared the crap out of me. Some of you may know that I watched that movie “The Birds” when I may have been a tad too young. A bird does not bother me, a few birds looking at me makes me a little nervous, but birds attempting to break into my office really makes me start to panic.

And then came its back up. I saw the bird begin walking away from the door and was hoping it would leave. Unfortunately it was simply walking to the other office door just a couple feet away. When I looked at that entrance, the damn thing was now accompanied by a friend. Trying not to get anymore nervous, I lifted my camera to snap a picture of the two culprits. To my surprise, when I lowered my lens there was a third bird standing with them. I may have screamed and all three flew away.

After fifteen minutes and no sign of them I managed to venture out for lunch and back. I was starting to feel safe again until I heard a beak tapping on the glass. Only two this time, but they were peering into my office about three feet from me. This time I yelled some profanities at them and they took off again.

The rest of my afternoon was spent trying to concentrate on booking flights and sorting bills without looking up when I heard the thrash against the doors start up again or when it decided to dive bomb the window right next to my head and almost give me a freakin heart attack! When it was time to leave, I did a detailed scan of the area to make sure I had sufficiently scared them away so I could lock the door and make it to my car without being attacked.

It was definitely and interesting day. Here are a few photos of the psychotic thing attempting to bust into my office:

It’s almost April in Indiana. The grass has begun to turn green again and it is officially Spring. Then why the hell is it snowing outside right now?!?! Seriously, this is NOT ok! I knew when I decided to move from NC to Indy that I would have to deal with a real winter and not the typical southern winter I was so used to. But really, I don’t care where you live; it should not be snowing in Spring… anywhere… EVER!

I'm going to crawl back under my blanket now and do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day. Someone let me know when it's summer...

Wouldn’t it be nice to just get lost, even if only for a few days or hours? Wouldn’t it be nice to fade into the shadows of the tall buildings and pretend, if only for a moment, that you were someone completely different than yourself?

In the past week my car has started having problems, I had to buy a new cell phone and today my cable company has decided to take extra money out of my account “on accident”.

The fuel gauge on my car now tells me it’s empty when I fill it up and I have to deal with watching it go up and down like a bobber until I’ve driven it about 50 miles. I have no idea if it’s really a true reading when it actually stops doing that so now I have to watch my mileage so I don’t run out of gas. Fuel sensors are not cheap.

My lovely cell phone, the 3rd replacement I’ve had in six months, likes to shut off in the middle of a conversation then refuse to turn back on until I have plugged it in. The flippin battery is fully charged; just work… that’s all I ask!!! Since I am now past 90 days on the last replacement I had to go and buy a new one. At least I managed to get a deal.

I find it amazing that a company can take money out of my account, tell me they are sorry, but refuse to return my money. They were happy to inform me that I will now have a credit in that amount to use towards next month’s payment and just as happily refused to put it back where they took it. If I only paid half of my bill and told them they would get a big check next month, I have a feeling they wouldn’t be as freakin happy!

Now I’m just going to sit here and wait to see what exciting thing will happen next. They say bad things come in threes, but I have a feeling I’m in for a six-pack.

I’m ready for life to get back to normal and by normal I mean the organized chaos that occurs in my life between April and November. Winter always makes me restless and I’m sick of being cooped up inside waiting for the temperature to rise above 30.

I’m ready for my best friend to come home from South America, where he’s been soaking up the sun for the last four months. I’m ready for the race season to start, as much as it stresses me. I’m ready to start travelling again, even if it’s just for a Saturday night show a couple hours away.

I need to get out of this house, get in my car and drive out of this town. I need to go anywhere that isn’t here and isn’t a place I pass by every day. I need to feel the sun on my face and noise in my ears. I need to drink a beer and laugh with my friends while we sit on top of the trailer and cheer on our boys.

I even miss living out of my suitcase and coming home only to do some laundry and repack my bag. There is something that just makes me happy knowing I’m walking out the door and there is something new that awaits me.

I don’t need a four star hotel and I don’t need to be flying first class; the adventure always seems a little more exciting when you’re on the road with your hands on the steering wheel. I don’t need an itinerary or a map, just the road and a good friend.

So summer please come quickly, I need to get out now. The race track, a concert, the lake… just let me follow the sun out of town.

It’s true; a silent room makes me crazy. I enjoy time alone so I can write and think, but I always have to have some background noise like the TV or my trusty mp3 player. I even find solace in the awful music piped into the doctor’s waiting room or elevator.

I’ve always felt that quiet people could definitely be serial killers. Whenever I meet someone who is shy or doesn’t say much, I bother them until they talk to me and get in the conversation. You never really know someone, but in my strange little mind I feel that if people are talking they are less likely to be thinking about how they are going to kill me in the parking lot when I leave.

This is just one of the odd things that run through my head and maybe I prefer the noise because it drowns the voices in my head that make me think of stuff like this in the first place. Either way, if you’re in a room with me, please make sure you talk. You don’t want me thinking you’re a serial killer now do you?

I’m having one of those days. You know them… the days when nothing goes right and nothing you do is good enough. At one point I just stood outside my car, with what I’m sure was one of those special blank stares on my face, not wanting to get in and turn the key because I was sure it would blow up when I did.

So, how do I get through one of these days? Drink myself into oblivion… No. I prefer to leave that for my weekend and special event festivities, especially since my pocket book can only take so much. Chain smoke… No. Well, maybe I would if I weren’t stuck in an office all day. Take a long, hot, soothing bath… No. Can’t do that because my legs are too damn long and I look like Gumby trying to fit into a bucket to get my legs into the water. No friends, my way of getting past one of the days is to write here on the blog and dump it all on you. You love it, I know. Here it goes…

I really need someone to explain this to me. I try to keep a good appearance most of the time, because you never know who you will meet at some random place like the grocery store. I’m not saying full makeup and stilettos, just not look like I rolled out of bed and walked out the door.

So why is it that the day I push snooze one too many times on my alarm, does a hot guy choose to show up at my office?!?! Seriously, it’s just not ok. Apparently I hit my alarm a couple extra times and was a half hour late getting up for work. This meant I had less than 5 minutes to leave the house. A quick hair and tooth brushing and some clothes that thankfully matched were about all I had time for. So out the door I went with no makeup and my hair looking like I had been through a wind tunnel.

On a day when I’m just trying to get my work done and keep a low profile, people were constantly in and out of my office. It’s always fun when someone interrupts you (when you’re obviously in the middle of something) to complain to you about how someone just interrupted him while he was in trying to finish a task and how mad it made him. Yes, this actually happened to me today. Somehow I managed to muffle the screams in my head so I didn’t completely lose it and say something that I would probably regret later.

There you have it… that was my day. And people wonder why I dream of leaving everything behind to be a drifter and travel the world.

I’m not sure how it is around the world, but growing up in U.S. comes with its own set of baggage. Image seems to be everything. It doesn’t matter who you really are as long as you look, act and play the part that is expected of you.

We are taught that to be beautiful you have to look like size 0 anorexic girls on the magazine covers (and even they are airbrushed to look thinner!). You are supposed to dye your hair a sun kissed color of blonde and dress to go to the local clubs like you’re going to a Hollywood premier.

As a true American girl, I’ve worried about my weight most of my life. I’ve dyed my hair blonde, dressed to the nines just to go to the same bar I go to every week with the same people. I’ve smiled and acted interested when the person who was talking to me was a total idiot, but everyone said he was the coolest guy around. I’ve done it… and I’m over it.

Now before I start getting hate mail, there is nothing wrong with this lifestyle if it makes you happy. It just doesn’t work for me anymore.

I’m not a size 0 and I’m finally starting to be ok with that. My hair is now a brilliant shade of red and I absolutely love it. I wear what I want when I want and that includes an old pair of jeans and a crappy t-shirt to the club on a Saturday night if I feel like it. While I value the opinion of others even if I don’t agree with them, my opinion is the only one that really matters to me.

I think I’m finally finding my way in the world, on my own terms, and that means everything. I’m happier, stronger and feel better about myself than I ever did living the “American girl dream”. So if that life makes you happy then live it and love it. But if it doesn’t, don’t waste time trying to fit the mold… stand up and break it… you’ll be much happier in the end.