I feel like I’ve been on some out of control carnival ride lately. Every time I start to think I’ve got my life together and I can start making a plan for my future, something blows up in my face. I’m starting to sink into that dark hole again and I promised myself I would never go back there.
The last few days I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone or go anywhere or do anything. I have one friend who knows what is going on and is there for me and he and my mom the only ones I want to talk to right now. I just want to hide. I feel terrible because my friends are calling and I just forward them to voicemail (so for those of you who read this, I’m sorry!!).
I wish I could understand why people take such pleasure from making others feel like they are less than them or making them feel like they are always doing something wrong. Just because you may be in a position of power over someone else does not give you the right (or excuse) to treat someone else like they are your slave or try to make them live in fear. You do not control their lives and it is not ok to try to make them feel like they are nothing.
Thank god for this blog… it’s one of the few outlets I have to just kind of let everything out and not worry about offending anyone or having to apologize for the way I feel. And sorry to all of you for these strange little posts venting my issues! (I’ll try to get some fun happier stuff up here soon!)
I’m dealing with this problem and I’m going to find a way to fix it. I need to make some major changes in my life to make that happen, but I’m working on it and not just crying about it. I am going to make the situation better. I’m finally figuring out what will make me happy and I’m not going to let anyone else stand in my way or make me feel like I’m less than what I know I am.
Two things I am trying desperately to remember:
1. What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger (I will be invincible soon!!)
2. No need to think about revenge… karma is a bigger bitch than I could ever be =]
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For you, my friend...
THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson
Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five
I walk down another street.
sometimes I think you have a camera on me and know just want to post about! I LOVE YOU! You are one of the strongest women I know and I LOVE YOU and miss having you in my life everyday but thank god for this blog because I feel like you're talking to me everyday :) MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Those people only have the power if you give it to them.
I always hope that Karma comes around for me. I've been wronged many times (as I'm sure many others have too). Sometimes though, I really do wish I could be there to see Karma bite these people back. I'm just mean like that.
Sounds like you have a great plan!!