I truly believe that the weather has a direct influence on our moods. The last two days it has been rainy and gloomy here and has done nothing to motivate me for the work week or anything else for that matter. Rainy days make me reflective I guess; I feel kind of like a turtle trying to hide back in its shell. Then all I can do is sit here and think about random things that I guess I don’t usually have time to think about.
I keep coming back to one thing… where do I belong? I knew it was never right growing up in Wisconsin. Sure I’ve always had friends and could “fit in” but I never really belonged. And at first I thought North Carolina was right and I felt settled for a few years until the restlessness kicked back in. Now here in Indiana, I feel it’s just not right.
I have wonderful people in my life that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I know they love me for who I really am and that no matter where I am they will always be part of my life. But I don’t feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be, I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I feel like I’m watching a movie of my life instead of really being there.
I’m a writer, not an office manager. I love music, not accounting. I want to walk down a crowded city street and feel at home, not pass cow pastures on my way to the office. I need to feel alive inside, I need to feel something more than this longing to find that missing piece. I need to find me…
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Yeah, you do need to find you. Where are you going to look?
It's good to ask yourself if you're in the right place, doing the right thing. But when you feel that the answer is 'no,' you have to really put pen to paper and figure out what you want and how you're going to get there.
xo
I SOOOOO understand where you are coming from. I pretty much feel the same way. Lost my job last year (long story & now in lawsuit over whole thing), haven't found new job (even w/10 yrs in industry) and ended up back in grad school to finish Mental Health Counseling. Not even sure @ this point if I want to work in this field, but since there are no jobs out there, might as well stay in school right? I'm working @ a GA so tuition is free and I earn a teeny stipend, which is better than nothing.
All that to say that none of it feels right to me. I really just want a job again where I made a good chunk of change and can buy things for my little man w/o hesitation.
I hear ya. Makes me feel like I have multiple personality disorder, one day my post is all dandy and the other I'm choosing the bridge to jump off..lol
*I think we all need a good dose of CREATIVITY in our lives.
AWAAARD!!! on my blog..YES for YOU:)
let's run away together...I'm thinking somewhere warm- I want out of here!!! I'm very restless too my love