A look behind my eyes

I am seriously disappointed today. I have been in desperate need to get out of town for a little while and get away from all the stress and everything that’s been bothering me lately. I came up with a plan a couple days ago to head to Kansas for the weekend with a friend of mine. A bunch of other people we know are going to be there and it would have been perfect to go and relax. I can’t begin to tell you how much I was looking forward to this little time away.

I don’t have time off so we were going to head out as soon as the clock struck 5 on Friday. I was so excited and let my wonderful best friend know when I picked him up at the airport Monday night. He was happy too, since he will already be there. He was supposed to leave today.

Well, all that said, I get a call yesterday because my wonderful best friend called my ride and changed the plans with him so he could wait and go Friday at noon with us. This works for him because he won’t have to pay for two nights extra hotel room when he doesn’t need to be there until Friday evening. Unfortunately for me, he didn’t bother to ask me if I could take a half day off work and he has to be there by mid evening and can’t wait until 5 to leave.

It would have been great, if it were not for the fact that I don’t have vacation time!!! So basically, I am not going. My wonderful best friend hi-jacked my ride and now I won’t be able to go. I’m not going to drive 8 hours by myself at night and my car is having problems (that I can’t afford to fix) and can’t take a 4 state trip.

I know he feels terrible about it and that he thought he was making it so we could go together, but it really doesn’t make the situation any better for me. I feel bad that he feels bad, but I feel worse that I’m stuck here now… again. He keeps apologizing and I tell him its ok, but he needs to stop it because it’s only making me feel worse. It’s not ok, it’s his fault and I’m getting tired of having to reassure him when he was the one who wrecked it. And then I feel guilty for thinking that and getting annoyed with him for apologizing because I do know how bad he feels. Basically I just can’t win on this one.

I’ve been trying really hard not to whine and cry about everything that’s been going on. I feel stupid for being upset about something like this, but it's kind of like the straw that broke the camels back I guess. I’m trying to be optimistic about the future, but sometimes it’s really difficult to keep a good perspective or positive attitude when even your best friend is ruining things for you.